I am sure most of you would agree with me when I say that Christmas and New Year countdowns are just a sorry excuse for teens to cause havoc. These are the same teens who are having their school holidays around this time of the year. These are also the same teens who are not old enough for the clubbing scene and thus, have no proper place to party. And these are the same teens who will be hanged in public if ever I was to become Prime Minister.

You see. I have always thought of Christmas as a peaceful celebration. Christmas songs. They're slow and peaceful. Unlike the Chinese, where every song goes "Bang Bang Bang" followed up by the ruckus of Chinese firecrackers. Which is actually just noise....not songs. If there are any Indians reading this, your songs are just as bad. I know I am generalising by saying Chinese and Indian songs are noisy and bad. So if you're a Chinese or an Indian, and you're not happy with what you just read...repot polis la mahai.

So this begs the question. When has Christmas become a celebration for teens to start jumping on and kicking people's cars? I really do not get it. The police are actually afraid of these teens. According to the papers, empty fake-snow cans were thrown at them while they were directing traffic. And yet all they could do was arrest 2 of the damned kids.

You see, if I were a policeman, and somehow I find myself being bombarded by teens with empty cans while directing traffic, I would gladly SHOOT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THOSE DAMNED MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE FACE. All 6 magnum bullets. And my 30-round MP5 sub-machine gun equipped with 5 extra magazines. That's right. In the face. IN THE FUCKING FACE.

You don't fucking mess with a cop when he's on duty man. If I become Prime Minister, it would be mandatory for police to shoot teens who are causing trouble in the face. No, the police will not be allowed to shoot at rapists, drug dealers, robbers, etc unless it is for self defense. But they are encouraged to shoot at teens who cause trouble. In fact I'll give them a bonus (more money for their kopi sessions) for every teen they shoot. And they will be properly trained so that if they were to ever have to shoot a teen, it would have to be in the face. IN THE FUCKING FACE MAN.

Frankly speaking, something has to be done to prevent the same thing from happening next year. The government could ban such countdowns, but that would make a lot of people unhappy. But who cares about the people? They always think that they're right. These are the same people who voted Pakatan and look what's happening now.

So if I were Prime Minister I'd still allow countdowns to go on. It would be the most disciplined countdown ever. No fake-snow. No teens. Identity cards will be checked. No one below 23 allowed. If anyone were to be caught with even 1 can of fake snow in their hands, so help me god, they'll be sniped in the head by the snipers positioned at strategic locations. Plainclothed assasins will be positioned in the crowd. So that if even 1 person so much as say that I suck as Prime Minister because of the tight security control, they'll have their throats slit by the assasins. A SWAT team will be ready, for crowd control. And if things get out of hand and people think they have the right to show their displeasure, they will be happily bombed by the B-52 bombers up in the sky.

So a countdown in my country would basically involve some fireworks. And after the fireworks, everyone is to go back home and do something productive. Like telling their kids not to jump on people's cars during countdowns.

A Real Review on Italiannies

Some months ago, we (PW and I) decided to try out that Italian restaurant which everyone can't stop raving about:- Italiannies. I mean I've read blogs and heard from friends about the quality of the food. So you would thought that I would leave the restaurant with a beaming smile of satisfaction after dining in one of the best Italian restaurants in KL, right?



Well, you were wrong. There is only one proper word to describe the food at Italiannies and that word is "mediocre". I don't have the pictures of the food we ate that night but I can still remember it clearly like it was just yesterday. You see, there are some things in life which one can not forget easily. And some of these things include being served a sorry excuse for a dinner in a restaurant with a noisy and lousy environment...and having to pay so much for it. The experience is akin to having my balls hacked off with a chainsaw.



So, PW had the Aglio Olio or something like that. The one where the pasta is tossed in olive oil and served with prawns. To be honest, I never liked this dish. Regardless whether it's Italiannies or Pizza Hut or Ah Keong the Hawker, all Aglio Olios taste the same. I wouldn't mind sharing but I would rather have a bucket of horse manure than to have to finish a plate of noodles in oil all by myself.



I on the other hand, had the Fettucinni Carbonara. Now, Italiannies can boast all they want about using fresh and genuine ingredients and so on but I swear to god that the first thing that came to my mind when I tasted it was................"Oh Good God, this tastes like Prego's".

I don't have the picture of Prego's Carbonara sauce. I can't be bothered to actually go to the supermarket and take a picture. Or search for it on the web.

And just to let you know, a small can of Prego's sauce, which can easily serve up to 2-3 people, costs less than RM4. A packet of spaghetti costs RM4. A packet of minced beef costs RM8. Tomatoes are so cheap that they'll be negligible here. Add that up and it's only RM16 for a meal for 3 people. That's about RM5 per head.

So at that moment I was asking myself. Lord, where did I go wrong in my life that I have ended up in a noisy restaurant paying RM25 or so for a plate of pasta that tastes EXACTLY the same as something that would have cost me RM5. So really, their Fettucinni Carbonara. Nothing special. Nothing unique. Any Tom, Dick and Harry could have made one of these....with Prego's of course.

Now you would notice that I can not stop complaining about the restaurant being noisy and all. Well, from my 6 months living in this new area (Petaling Jaya), I have come up with the conclusion that all PJ people are obnoxious and noisy people. I know I am generalising a very big population. So, if you're from PJ and you're not happy with what you just read......repot polis la mahai. I swear I have not once entered a restaurant in PJ where everyone would just silently enjoy their meals. Italiannies is no exception because that day, the people at the table next to us were celebrating someone's birthday and there were lots of laughter and songs. Something along the lines of TGIF's concept. Which is of course is exceptionally stupid and had fucked up the whole dining experience.

So in conclusion, to me, Italiannies will continue to be a place where people will rave and praise non-stop. But you know you will never dine there for a second time. I know I wouldn't. I have already begun to ignore people who still insists that Italiannies is a good place to dine because I believe they have the tasting ability of a camel. So really, Italiannies is just like TGIF in every way. Bad food. Bad environment. No more second time. For as long as I continue to walk the Earth.

Teachers

I came across this while alone in the office today. Explains what teachers really are. And to be frank, I've had this thought for years because god damn I hate my teachers. Well, some of them.

More than likely, the individual you call your 'teacher' is simply a pathetic representative for whatever field they truly wanted to get into in the first place. For example, picture that you were an expert at mathematics. Would you be a teacher? Of course not. You'd be a mathematician, or, more likely, a highly-paid engineer. Those who major in mathematics and fail to make the cut because they lack the ability to do anything productive find they have no place to go but teaching. This is true across the board: your physics teacher failed to make it as a legitimate scientist, your literature teacher's poetry was too shitty to be published, and your social studies teacher couldn't find any place that was willing to pay for a columnist who was as much of a dumbass as he was. As a result, they all file in en masse to take out their personal failures on you. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as "the gift of a good education"

Accident on the LDP

No, it wasn't me. It was some guy in a grey Wira who managed to crash and land on top of one of the dividers along the LDP. This caused a slight jam as everybody was slowing down to look...as if they actually cared.

To the driver of that Wira, you Sir, are an asshole.

I would have loved to take a picture of that scene. But I really don't have to because everybody knows that everyday, somebody gets into an accident on the LDP.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET INTO AN ACCIDENT ON STRAIGHT AND WIDE ROADS??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

sienz

I finally now understand why they say that the traffic jams in KL is the worst in the country. No it is not because of the number of cars on the roads. Nor is it the fault of certain drivers who love to weave in and out of traffic because let's face it...there is no use faulting this kind of people as their destiny have already been determined the moment that they decided to cut into your lane just because you were a bit too slow to move. They are all going to hell.

So anyways, in my most humblest opinion, if we were to fault someone or something for the massive jams, let us all get together and point our fingers at, drum roll please, the highway and road designers.

For now, I will be focusing on the LDP. It is the highway, well, when I meant highway I actually want to mean death road, that I use to go to and from work everyday. It is a sometimes 2, sometimes 3 and sometimes 4 laned highway. Which is great! Going to work (from Kota Damansara to Subang Jaya) is a breeze. I can easily do 90kp/h on average on the LDP. And then, there's the after work traffic.

For some unexplainable reason, the LDP lanes going towards Kota Damansara managed to get itself stuck in some space vacuum where everything moves 9 times slower. This only applies when either somebody got into an accident or somebody's car broke down on the LDP, both of which happens everyday because there are still people stupid enough to get into an accident on straight highway roads (what the fuck is up with that?) and there are some people who think that the temperature gauge on their car is meaningless. They should have renamed it the Cock gauge. You would know that you are a gigantic cock who's going to cause a massive jam when your meter starts to hit the red region....followed by steam from the bonnet.

Right, highway designs. In short, LDP, 4 lanes when there are people turning onto the LDP from other places. 2 lanes when there is a turn to an exit, 2 lanes to go straight on. So if you and me and everybody else in the world just want to go straight on, we will all have to squeeze into the 2 lanes. Which is some fucked up bullshit man!

Then there's that odd forked road near SS2 or whichever. It's right after the underpass. Once again, 4 lanes. But Holy Jesus, LDP decides to fuck you if you're on the right lane going towards Kota Damansara. The 2 lanes on the right are actually heading for an exit towards KL, while if you want to head to Kota Damansara, you have to move to the 2 lanes on the left. Worse of all, the signboard showing this change is located at.........the fork itself. Which also means that if you're on the right lane heading towards Kota Damansara, and you find that you can finally read the signboard at the forked road, chances are you're on your way to KL. Too bad! LDP has fucked you in your ass.

Reason for this rant about the LDP was because of the big jam on Friday. I was stuck on the LDP......for 2 and a half hours. And to back up my statement about time moving 9 times slower, I was averaging only 10kp/h. Why? Because one car broke down on one of the 2 lane straights while another broke down on 1 of the left lanes at the forked road. We can blame these 2 cars but then we all know that in the first place, 2 lanes can never handle the heavy traffic.

So please, LDP, and other highway designer people, please build a wider road for us...especially when you know that half the population of Selangor is going to use it. And don't get me started on the Federal Highway. I don't use it much but I sure can see the jams there.

Away

Sorry for the lack of updates.

I've moved to my new place in Kota Damansara which, surprise surprise, has no internet.

Currently typing this in the office.....on my 1st day on the job!

That's because the managers have all gone out for appointments and I'm stuck alone in the office with a couple of catalogues to read. I'll be selling industrial microscopes...which literally means zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....................

Sorry loh...I not atas enough loh

I read in the Saturday papers that Chelsea Football Club will be holding an autograph session at the Adidas outlet in Pavillion KL and I was excited. As excited as a little school girl would be. Of course being a Chelsea fan since 1998, I made my way down there hoping to get at least ONE player's signature. At the end of the day, I wish I had sat at home and jack off to Japanese porn instead.

You see, by the time I reached the Adidas outlet, there was already a huge crowd. Nevermind that 3 quarters of the crowd were wearing RM10 Chelsea jerseys from the pasar malams. What's worse was the crowd consists mainly of guys. Who are tall. Who impedes your view.

No matter. The players weren't here yet and I was still hopeful for at least ONE autograph.

A few minutes later there was some cheering from the crowd. Holy Jesus, they were here!!!
Nah I was just kidding. It was someone who really really looked like Kenny Sia (apparently, Malaysia's most famous blogger). I couldn't be sure. Whoever he was, he was getting a lot of cheers from the crowd. And whoever he was, he just walked into the Adidas outlet without so much as a wave or a smile to the crowd. Then only I realise how short he really is. Fuck it. Everyone were not there for Kenny or his look-alike. WE WANT CHELSEA!!

A few minutes later again, they arrived. Well when I said they, I meant ONE player arrived. Michael Ballack arrived to much cheering and camera flashes. No Scolari. No Terry. No Lampard. Just that German who failed to win the EPL, Champions League and Euro 2008.

NO FUCKING MATTER THEN. I was still bloody hopeful to get an autograph, even from the bloody Nazi. Ballack and all those TV cameramen entered the outlet. A few other random people who nobody seemed to give a fuck entered as well. There was much going on in the outlet while we, the common fans stood outside.

After about 20 minutes, the security guards finally let us in and lo and behold, Ballack was nowhere to be seen. Not even Kenny Sia/Kenny Sia's look alike. What greeted us when we entered the outlet was this:

Now this begs the question. WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE WANKERS?

I overheard someone speaking on the microphone about asking the Adidas ambassadors to take a group photo. I can only assume that the people in the photograph above are the Adidas ambassadors. Or what I would prefer to call as cock-suckers. I can only imagine the amount of cocks they had to polish with their mouths to become an Adidas ambassador. There they were holding their Ballack autographed cards and smiling and having fun while the commoner (me and the rest who stood for an hour or perhaps more outside) were left with nothing but sulking faces. I swear that the Indian guy standing next to me muttered to his friends "Fuck these people, they're not important weh".

I stood there for a while, trying to figure out if the people above were local celebrities. Then I realised I was better off having my nuts sawed off because nobody gives a fuck about the local celebrities. Sorry loh. I know I'm not atas enough to get an autograph. I am not a celebrity what.

So I left the place with no autograph, 3 pictures of the ambassadors which I will be printing out and personally pissing on together with the thought of murdering each and everyone of them, and the thought of supporting another club just because Adidas thinks that the normal fan on the street is not deserving enough for an autograph.

And seriously, Adidas, this is a plea to you, please, if you're ever going to hold another autograph session JUST for cock-suckers and not the common fan, please let that be known to the public. We have better things to do as well. Overall, it was a wasted day. Fuck Adidas and their ambassadors man.

***This post consists of more cussing than usual. Because once again the un-atas people telah ditindas by the blatant stupidity of which they call popularism***

Oh well...

Well, as of today, I am no more John the slacker.

I will henceforth be known as John the Sales Engineer.

Faster congratulate me woiiiiii...hahahahahaha

Retarded words

I think I speak for all of us when I say that some people nowadays are either too rich and free or are mentally challenged from birth.

Do you guys know about those TV programmes where they will play music videos and have a chat box at the right side of the screen so that people can SMS to the TV station and their SMSes will then be shown on TV? Something that looks like this:

I will never know what intrigues people these days to actually do such a thing. I mean it costs 50 cents per SMS. And you don't even get to say "Your mom's a fugging whore" because they will block it out. You don't even get a promotion of 2 free SMSes for every 10 that you send. You don't even get to take part in a lucky draw.

What you get though, when you tune in to such programmes, is a barrage of nonsense that would suddenly jolt you to realise that some of us are REALLY just one species or two away from the chimpanzees after all.

I especially cannot stand the "Ada awek tak?" SMSes. You can already imagine some fat, bald, middle aged man, relaxing in his deck chair while sending out "Ada awek tak?" SMSes to these programmes in hope that some lonely girl with 50 cents of credit to spare would actually reply to him, not realising that that very same girl is actually another fat, bald, middle aged man, relaxing in his deck chair as well....with his shorts off.

Perhaps some would say that it is exciting to SMS with some unknown people through this programme. Like how some people would describe meeting random people whom they have never seen before from the internet as fun. No, it's not. It just isn't.

Meeting someone whom you have not seen before is as fun as sticking your middle finger into the bottom of a sleeping tiger. It is almost always disastrous. And that's because SeXy_BaBy19 is actually a baby elephant in human clothes.

And I'm not finished. When I took the photo above, I actually spent 15 minutes to decipher what these morons were talking about. Personally, I would have rather preferred to blow-torch my nipples off. But I really wanted to know what the people of today were mostly on about. After a full 15 minutes, I realised that it was futile. This is not a language. This is crap. Einstein would have committed suicide if he had seen this.


So the moral to the story is, if you ever feel lonely and think that Sudoku is not much of a challenge, go ahead and try to decipher the replies you would get from sending "I'm 19/f" to these programmes.

Random video.....again

Yup. I'm out of ideas once again.

no ideas

Out of ideas for now. Which gives me a good excuse to insert some random videos from youtube.

This is some funny gay interview with Elton John. Note that nearly every question and answer is intentionally sexual......and gay.




I can only assume queen actually means gay in Britain.

Oh well....Cream horn anyone? Hahahaha

Random rant

Have you guys ever seen those scenes in the movies where one of the characters gets:-

(A) knocked down by a car/truck/passing vehicle
(B) falls down a flight of stairs
(C) gets hit by something (a shovel, a sledge hammer, anything that induces serious pain)

and after all that, that very same character gets up and screams "I'm OKAY".

Now today's post is about how annoyed I am with this, apparently, humorous scenes in the movies. Look, the guy just got introduced to some serious physical damage. To stand up immediately and say he's okay is, well, funny to me. Seriously. Funny for the first time, yes. Maybe a second time or a third time. But by the 28th time, I wish I had contracted cancer instead.

I don't know how it got into the heads of directors/script writers that such a scene would still be funny after it's been used in almost every movie out there, in particularly, comedies. The act is old and overused. It isn't even funny anymore. Have Americans no more ideas how to make their comedies funny anymore? I swear to god, everytime I watch a comedy, and there's a scene where someone gets hurt, I will be praying so hard and will be tempted to sacrifice virgins just so that that someone wouldn't get up and tell us that he/she's okay. You got knocked down by a freaking truck. Please just fucking die. Seriously.

It is like that scene I complained about in my post about the Transformers movie. You know, about how the robots got to fighting with each other in front of some kid and instead of running away, he just sat there, watched the scene and turned to the camera and screamed COOL. Almost every action movie tries to induce some sense of comedy by having some kid scream cool in front of a fight scene/gun fight/whatever. If I were a 5 year old and I were somehow or rather thrown into a middle of a robot fight, I'd run away. Far away. While screaming for my mum.

So directors and script writers of the world, please, if you're reading this, just do away with that I'm OKAY and COOL scene. That 5 minutes can be replaced with something else, or even better, guess what, just snip the bloody 5 minutes off your film and save us a trip to the restroom or a trip to the hospital because of the mental trauma.

One other quick rant I just want to put up is about the lack of movie previews in cinemas these days. I don't know about other countries but GSC tends to assume that cinema patrons prefer to watch advertisements about beer and Celcom's X-pax. GSC, please, for the love of god, put back the previews. I don't want to know who gives me the best coverage and the best deals because I couldn't care less. I know Celcom pays you to put up those adverts. I will hereby promise to pay you full price for your movie tickets so that you can pull down Celcom's adverts. And it has nothing to do with the fact that my student card expires in about a week's time. Haha

Anyway, guys, please enjoy this Nike advert, which was shown a couple of times in the cinemas. One of the best adverts in my humble opinion. And only because I love football.

Cyber cafes and kids

If you haven't heard about it, the government had just come up with an ingenious plan to keep children/teenagers away from cyber cafes.

Government: We will enforce a ruling whereby cyber cafes are required to stop operating by 12 midnight and we will have a review to see if games will still be allowed or not in cyber cafes.

In my most humble opinion, this is a great plan. The government is right. If you can't take the children/teenagers away from the cyber cafes, take the cyber cafes away from them. Which is great and all, until you realised what Joe and Ali have been doing with the time which they formerly used to play Dota with.

Joe: Hey fag, Dota mo?

Ali: Its 11.30pm...CC close d la.

Joe: Oh..ermm...yum cha?

Ali: Can't la...Kopi ais 1.40 nowadays

Joe: What about we go rempit-ing?

Ali: Hallow...petrol 2.70 now.

Joe: What about we sniff some glue and get high?

Ali: You get the glue...I get the paint thinner.


The government doesn't realise that the kids/teenagers these days will still not stay at home, do their homework and play with their cocks in front of their PCs even with the cyber cafes taken away from them. I mean, who would have thought of studying on a Saturday evening as a good idea? Personally, I would rather have my face smashed in with a shovel than to study on a Saturday evening.

You can't keep the kids off the street nowadays since they're so good at asking for freedom to go where they want and parents only have themselves to blame for not administering a proper slap acrosss their faces in the name of discipline. Knowing that you have failed as a parent, would you prefer if your children went to a cyber cafe to play games or would you prefer to receive a phone call one day from someone who had to break it to you that your son had entered the Pearly Gates in a giant ball of flame all because he couldn't perform the Superman pose on his motorcycle properly?

So here's the twisted conclusion. Do not ban cyber cafes or make them close at midnight. BAN THE FUCKING KIDS. Parents or parents to be, if you're reading this, please, keep them at home. It is hard enough to accept the fact that your kids are pawning me in Dota most of the time, but please, the cyber cafe is the only cheap form of entertainment around after midnight.

To the government, please, enforce a law whereby kids under 18 years old are not allowed into cyber cafes after midnight. Reward the parents with a 10 buck petrol voucher for every time they have to slap their child to tell them that they can't go to cyber cafes. The child would probably be too traumatized as his dad drives into Shell to redeem a full tank of petrol.....for his Merc C200...which is almost likely to have a bigger tank than a Proton.

So you see, everyone's happy. The cyber cafe operators will not lose too much of their business while people with too much free time like me can still look forward to a game of Dota after midnight. Government would be happy that they have achieved their objective of preventing kids from patronizing cyber cafes after midnight and parents would be happy with the petrol vouchers.

What about the kids? Well frankly speaking, nobody cares about the kids now, do they? hahahahhahahaahahaha...man i'm so evil.

Public transportation?? I'm not convinced....as of yet..

Don't you just hate it when the government tells you that the only ways you can avoid the pinch from having to pay 2.70 a litre for petrol are by public transportation and car pooling? Situation could get worse after August as they have already stated that petrol could go up to as much as 4 bucks....which is all fine and dandy as you wake up on a sunny September morning and prepare to crawl on your hands and knees to work.

I still stand by my decision. That I would rather get a vasectomy than take public transportation. I'm not trying to say that I'm loaded and that I can afford a car with a full tank of petrol every other week. You see, I have a phobia of getting lost. When I was 2, I accidentally strayed away from my parents to look for toys in a shopping mall. Imagine the trauma I went through. I was so young, I was separated from my parents. That's when I knew I needed to get my own car fast so that I can go wherever I want and whenever I want to. I'm just kidding. Fact is I still have that phobia of getting lost. True story.

Which is why I don't fucking take busses. The government wants more people to take busses to their respective destinations. The government better start to explain to the first-time bus users a.k.a. me what U101 or U302 or U007 means. I'm not going to ask the guy next to me in the bus stop what destinations are those codes referring to. Rapid Penang, and other bus companies, if you're reading this, DISTRIBUTE A FUCKING MAP....AND A FUCKING TIME-TABLE. You see, with a proper route map and schedule, I would have no fears about getting lost as I can plan my time and journey properly. And I'd still drive because I still don't trust busses.

Rant Number 1 about busses...done. Now for 2 and 3. You see, the bus is a cheap mode of transportation where people from all walks of life can enjoy. And then, you get up a bus, only to be sitted next to someone who looks like he's been infected with herpes, and to realise after you've stepped off the bus that your wallet is missing. To the girls, if you're seated, wearing a revealing top, the guy standing next to you is not looking out of the window to look out for his current location. And if you're standing, that hard thingy prodding your ass is not his damned pocket knife.

Rant Number 3 is about the seats. I've sat in a Metro bus before, one of those KL busses. I swear to God, the seats were only big enough for people who would have loved to audition as Frodo or Gimli in the Lord of the Rings. That's because Metro assumes that all Malaysians are 4 feet tall and weigh 10 lbs. Which is wrong because Malaysians love their rendang and rendang makes us fat and that makes Metro irrelevant.

On to the second mode of public transport, the ever "reliable" monorail/LRT/train thingy. I love the LRT. As a matter of fact, I would have preferred this service to driving....if it weren't for the strange people that I keep meeting in the LRT. You see the first time I sat in an LRT 3 years ago, I was sitted opposite 3 people who couldn't stop starring at me. 3 years on and I get into an LRT and I still have people starring at me. And that's when I realise that they were not really starring at me. They were starring into blank space as they dream about quitting their mundane 9 to 5 job and banging their boss's hot trophy wife while pushing said boss off a 10 storey building for paying them RM1500 a month just because they were deemed too "fresh". No I'm not talking about myself. I don't take the LRT...and I have no job yet.

The other group of people that uses the LRT are the ones that don't know how to shut the hell up. Look. We don't need to know about your 9 to 5 job. We HAVE one as well. And we don't need to know what your boyfriend bought you for Valentine's because everyone in the damned carriage...I mean, everyone in the damned universe couldn't care less.

As for car pooling, that has got to be the biggest piece of horse shit I've ever heard. It'll never happen in Malaysia because people are too anal about what others would do to their car. I mean, you wouldn't want somebody to be digging their noses in your car now would you? And because the car is an investment (a liability, not an asset), people don't like other people to come in and fuck it all around...or stick nose shit to the underside of the leather seat of your Merc C200.
As for me, I am damn cincai with my car. I have people eating in my car(that's you dear..haha), nearly vomiting in it (that's you JC..haha), sleeping in it, sitting in it after being sweaty from sports, gays raping each other in the back seat and so much more. I guess that's why my car now looks like crap. But then I for one am someone with certain bad habits when in other people's cars as well.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know we were not allowed to play with your power windows" *glances at Yap Hong*

"What? I'm not allowed wind down the window and scream at pedestrians?" *glances at Chor*

"Oooo..what does this button do?" *switches on hazard lights*

Well that's just me. I must either drive or be strapped in a straight jacket because I just can't sit still as a passenger. Well, I can. For 5 seconds. Heyyyy..is that your wiper stalk?

The Forbidden Kingdom

So I watched The Forbidden Kingdom about 2 weeks ago and....only reason why it took me so long to write a review is because I just realised there are people out there that are actually PRAISING this movie.


Don't get me wrong here. The movie has everything needed to be great! I mean you have Jackie Chan and Jet Li and you know it's gonna be full of kungfu shite and stuff. Shaolin monks are probably having a mass wanking orgy right up in their temples in the mountains while watching Jackie execute the drunken fist. Wooooooo....


Then you have 2 hot girls with small choochiis.






















See...wear so low cut still no cleavage...noob. hahahaha...well there was that fight scene at the end between these actresses though. And you know that you do not sleep, no matter how boring a movie can get, when there is a fight scene between two girls. Because if you pray hard and make a pact with the Devil/God that you will lay off the porn for a week, chances are that you might see the 2 girls tearing off each other's clothes................before they start making out. Cool. Lesbian cat-fights. I like.


Another great reason to catch this movie is because of the inclusion of Shang Tsung. Now if you don't know who Shang Tsung is chances are that you're a girl....or gay....or both.

All real men have watched Shang Tsung kick ass in Mortal Kombat during some time in their life. Who can forget executing Fatalities in the arcade when they were young? You know...

FINISH HIM!!!

front front back back punch and you whoop your oppoenent's head off.

This is Sub-zero ripping off Scorpion's head with spine still attached and all. Classic Fatality.

This is Shang Tsung's fatality finishing move..where he extracts the soul of his victim. Super cool.

So yeah there was Shang Tsung.....only in this movie he was known as the Jade Warlord.

And that's where it all goes downhill with this movie. Jade Warlord (you see I refuse to use the name Shang Tsung anymore in this sentence because Shang Tsung is too cool) died in a couple of minutes at the end fight scene........because he got stabbed by a Jade toothpick or some sort.

You heard me right...The end boss died because of a toothpick. This would never happen to Shang Tsung and you know it!

And how can anyone bear to watch Jackie Chan and Jet Li converse in English? Well I can. Cos I've beared 3 years of listening to the exact same Mandarino+English when I was in uni. But still it was horrible, torturing even. Heck I would rather get pushed down a flight of stairs then to listen to that again.

And and...why must Jet Li be playing the monkey guy?

I thought Jet was all about the cool and ruthless kungfu hero...you know..in Fearless? And Cradle to the Grave and such? All of a sudden he has to play a monkey who makes funny faces and noises. Dude that's not cool. It's scary even.

Anyway if you ignore everything that I mentioned above, it's still quite a nice movie................if you have brain damage that is. Hoho

Swear words in all languages

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Time for action

Everyone now...or at least those who have to pay for their own petrol are pissed at the new price effective from tomorrow. RM 2.70 from RM 1.92. Government still maintains that the price is among the lowest in Asia, somehow forgetting that salaries have not increased and are also among the lowest in Asia.




So this is the chance now chemistry graduates. Take this oppurtunity to come up with a new fuel substitute. There have been so many...from hydrogen fuel cells to solar power and all that expensive shit. But the common man cannot afford such...nonsense. There is 1 other alternative though....



Methane.




Methane is like fucking everywhere man. From your shit, from your fart....and everyone shits....and farts i think...which means an endless supply of methane. Take example one of my coursemates. He farts. No...he LOVES to fart. One time he farted, the earth moved out of orbit and there was a solar eclipse.
















Oh by the way he looks a little bit like this:

Hahahahahahaha....The last time he farted, the tectonic plates beneath the Earth moved, causing a massive earthquake in China which killed thousands.

So anyway..methane...good and readily available source, have been proven to work (by the people at Top Gear, who compressed methane and inserted it into cars) and relatively cheap. Thing is...I don't think a lot of people would love to work with shit do they?

*William if you reading this...hahahahahhahahahahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahaha

Could have done it in less than a year

So I have graduated yeah, and my final CGPA is a 2.6 something which of course I am not embarassed to share and tell considering how much ermm..."effort"... I have put in these past 3 years.


Tiuzzzzzz....2.6 only ma...that's like only a second lower...tiuzzzzz


2.6 to me is damn fulamak high considering that throughout the 3 years I have been:

Reading newspaper

Reading magazines

Playing around behind lecture halls

Playing around in the laboratory

smoking in the toilets

playing around in the toilet

Playing in the toilet summore

Cacat-ing fren's cars
















Meng-cacat-ing fren's car summore



















"Redesigning" fren's motor

Going to IKEA just to make a sotong soft toy look like the Faceless Void...ermm...gay imba gg Dota hero with bash

Going to Carrefour to play with chairs

Playing real life Star Wars when we were supposed to study Calculus.

See...2.6 still ok la considering that I would never even touch my notes with a 10-foot pole during normal lecture days let alone listen and concentrate on the lecturers. I only study during study week k. Which means a month of studies for every sem. Which means 6 months of study to complete a 3 year course with a 2.6. Pro-nyerrrrr..hahahhhahaha

But really, as much as I still hate UTAR for possibly being the only learning institution that I had been that actually made me consider suicide each and every morning before I go to class, I still love the people there. Hope you guys are doing well then.

*Full credit goes to JC for all the pics he had taken during these 3 years and his effot in burning all of us a copy. Thanks bro.

Most eventful bus trip ever

I just got back from KL today. So I was waiting for my demon ride from hell...ooops..I mean bus at the platform at Pudu when I noticed this Indian dude and his wife staring at me like I'm some piece of tandoori chicken. This could only mean two things:


(A) He wants to know where you are are going and on which bus and at what time?
OR
(B) All of the above


Isn't it strange how Pudu and the various bus companies infuse a sense of no-confidence into travellers? I mean I have been asked quite a number of times and usually people ask because:


(A) The bus is late
(B) They are worried they have missed the bus
(C) They are on the wrong platform
(D) They just like to piss the lonely Chinese dude who is smoking in a corner waiting for his bus....oh wait that's me..hahahahhaa


So anyway this Indian dude started asking a lot of stuff and I just told him to relax man. As long as I can see you and you can see me, neither of us have missed the bus yeah? Anyway there was a lot of small talk and I found out he was from Calcutta in India. I asked him if he had tasted the Tandoori chicken in Malaysia. He said he has tasted better in Sri Lanka.


WTF? Sri Lanka? We lose kao kao.


Anyway when the bus finally arrived there was this aunty who suddenly asked me in Mandarin about the bus and so on...I assume la because I don't know mandarin. I think I replied something along the lines of:


"ping chen...si er tien pan"


because I bought a ticket for the 12.30pm bus which arrived at 1pm while the aunty was holding the 1.30pm tickets. That's when I realised. Oh good god I just spoke mandarin to a stranger. I don't know if what I spoke was actually what she wanted to hear. I could have said "I love Hello Kitty" without realising it.


Anyway, during the 10 minute toilet break halfway through the journey, I heard a lof of honking near the parking bays of the rest stop. Apparently some woman had parked her car on the side of a double lane exit. And the one who was honking behind....was a 30 foot long trailer, which obviously couldn't squeeze through that 1 free lane. There was another passenger in the car, some old aunty who couldn't drive I guess because the next thing I knew, she approached some Chinese dude who was smoking and drinking bottled RM2 Lipton ice lemon tea by the side. Oh wait, that's me. hahahahaha...


She was speaking in Cantonese but I already know what she wants. I hopped into the Myvi and drove it to another spot. So there it is. My first time driving a Myvi.......for 10 seconds. Yayyyy...


There was also this old uncle who out of a sudden started smoking in the bus. I was pissed as shit man. NO FUCKING WAY!! How can you smoke in a bus, which is an enclosed, air-conditioned environment with a lot of people in it......without letting me join in?? hahahaha.. It's a good thing I didn't though because the bus driver actually told that uncle off...with a mixture of words like kotek and puki. He was really not a happy driver this one.


Oh well, that's pretty much the bus journey for me. Might not be as eventful as some of you guys out there maybe but it's the most eventful for me to date. I drove a Myvi today....and saw someone smoke in the bus...and was told that Sri Lankan Tandoori chicken is better than Malaysia's. WTF...

Time for change

I've decided to start a new blog because I realised I can never improve on pgslacker anymore. It's too good...too perfect. How does one improve perfection you tell me? Hahahahahaha...I'm stuck everytime I wanna post something new there because the previous posts were all just too good and I was afraid my new post would be crap.

So here I am. Slacker 2. Slacker 1 was created during my free time after form 6. Slacker 2 now is created because I can't fucking get a job yet...which means I have as much free time as I have back then.

First off I didn't know there were a lot of people reading Slacker 1. I mean like every now and then at some gathering, some people would come up to me and say they read my blog. Which is cool and everything and I thank you all sincerely. But please, next time, for the sake of me knowing who is actually reading my stuff, LEAVE A COMMENT!!!!! (with your name in it of cos) hahahahaha...

I'll go work on my first post now. kthxbye