Teachers

I came across this while alone in the office today. Explains what teachers really are. And to be frank, I've had this thought for years because god damn I hate my teachers. Well, some of them.

More than likely, the individual you call your 'teacher' is simply a pathetic representative for whatever field they truly wanted to get into in the first place. For example, picture that you were an expert at mathematics. Would you be a teacher? Of course not. You'd be a mathematician, or, more likely, a highly-paid engineer. Those who major in mathematics and fail to make the cut because they lack the ability to do anything productive find they have no place to go but teaching. This is true across the board: your physics teacher failed to make it as a legitimate scientist, your literature teacher's poetry was too shitty to be published, and your social studies teacher couldn't find any place that was willing to pay for a columnist who was as much of a dumbass as he was. As a result, they all file in en masse to take out their personal failures on you. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as "the gift of a good education"

Accident on the LDP

No, it wasn't me. It was some guy in a grey Wira who managed to crash and land on top of one of the dividers along the LDP. This caused a slight jam as everybody was slowing down to look...as if they actually cared.

To the driver of that Wira, you Sir, are an asshole.

I would have loved to take a picture of that scene. But I really don't have to because everybody knows that everyday, somebody gets into an accident on the LDP.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET INTO AN ACCIDENT ON STRAIGHT AND WIDE ROADS??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

sienz

I finally now understand why they say that the traffic jams in KL is the worst in the country. No it is not because of the number of cars on the roads. Nor is it the fault of certain drivers who love to weave in and out of traffic because let's face it...there is no use faulting this kind of people as their destiny have already been determined the moment that they decided to cut into your lane just because you were a bit too slow to move. They are all going to hell.

So anyways, in my most humblest opinion, if we were to fault someone or something for the massive jams, let us all get together and point our fingers at, drum roll please, the highway and road designers.

For now, I will be focusing on the LDP. It is the highway, well, when I meant highway I actually want to mean death road, that I use to go to and from work everyday. It is a sometimes 2, sometimes 3 and sometimes 4 laned highway. Which is great! Going to work (from Kota Damansara to Subang Jaya) is a breeze. I can easily do 90kp/h on average on the LDP. And then, there's the after work traffic.

For some unexplainable reason, the LDP lanes going towards Kota Damansara managed to get itself stuck in some space vacuum where everything moves 9 times slower. This only applies when either somebody got into an accident or somebody's car broke down on the LDP, both of which happens everyday because there are still people stupid enough to get into an accident on straight highway roads (what the fuck is up with that?) and there are some people who think that the temperature gauge on their car is meaningless. They should have renamed it the Cock gauge. You would know that you are a gigantic cock who's going to cause a massive jam when your meter starts to hit the red region....followed by steam from the bonnet.

Right, highway designs. In short, LDP, 4 lanes when there are people turning onto the LDP from other places. 2 lanes when there is a turn to an exit, 2 lanes to go straight on. So if you and me and everybody else in the world just want to go straight on, we will all have to squeeze into the 2 lanes. Which is some fucked up bullshit man!

Then there's that odd forked road near SS2 or whichever. It's right after the underpass. Once again, 4 lanes. But Holy Jesus, LDP decides to fuck you if you're on the right lane going towards Kota Damansara. The 2 lanes on the right are actually heading for an exit towards KL, while if you want to head to Kota Damansara, you have to move to the 2 lanes on the left. Worse of all, the signboard showing this change is located at.........the fork itself. Which also means that if you're on the right lane heading towards Kota Damansara, and you find that you can finally read the signboard at the forked road, chances are you're on your way to KL. Too bad! LDP has fucked you in your ass.

Reason for this rant about the LDP was because of the big jam on Friday. I was stuck on the LDP......for 2 and a half hours. And to back up my statement about time moving 9 times slower, I was averaging only 10kp/h. Why? Because one car broke down on one of the 2 lane straights while another broke down on 1 of the left lanes at the forked road. We can blame these 2 cars but then we all know that in the first place, 2 lanes can never handle the heavy traffic.

So please, LDP, and other highway designer people, please build a wider road for us...especially when you know that half the population of Selangor is going to use it. And don't get me started on the Federal Highway. I don't use it much but I sure can see the jams there.

Away

Sorry for the lack of updates.

I've moved to my new place in Kota Damansara which, surprise surprise, has no internet.

Currently typing this in the office.....on my 1st day on the job!

That's because the managers have all gone out for appointments and I'm stuck alone in the office with a couple of catalogues to read. I'll be selling industrial microscopes...which literally means zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....................

Sorry loh...I not atas enough loh

I read in the Saturday papers that Chelsea Football Club will be holding an autograph session at the Adidas outlet in Pavillion KL and I was excited. As excited as a little school girl would be. Of course being a Chelsea fan since 1998, I made my way down there hoping to get at least ONE player's signature. At the end of the day, I wish I had sat at home and jack off to Japanese porn instead.

You see, by the time I reached the Adidas outlet, there was already a huge crowd. Nevermind that 3 quarters of the crowd were wearing RM10 Chelsea jerseys from the pasar malams. What's worse was the crowd consists mainly of guys. Who are tall. Who impedes your view.

No matter. The players weren't here yet and I was still hopeful for at least ONE autograph.

A few minutes later there was some cheering from the crowd. Holy Jesus, they were here!!!
Nah I was just kidding. It was someone who really really looked like Kenny Sia (apparently, Malaysia's most famous blogger). I couldn't be sure. Whoever he was, he was getting a lot of cheers from the crowd. And whoever he was, he just walked into the Adidas outlet without so much as a wave or a smile to the crowd. Then only I realise how short he really is. Fuck it. Everyone were not there for Kenny or his look-alike. WE WANT CHELSEA!!

A few minutes later again, they arrived. Well when I said they, I meant ONE player arrived. Michael Ballack arrived to much cheering and camera flashes. No Scolari. No Terry. No Lampard. Just that German who failed to win the EPL, Champions League and Euro 2008.

NO FUCKING MATTER THEN. I was still bloody hopeful to get an autograph, even from the bloody Nazi. Ballack and all those TV cameramen entered the outlet. A few other random people who nobody seemed to give a fuck entered as well. There was much going on in the outlet while we, the common fans stood outside.

After about 20 minutes, the security guards finally let us in and lo and behold, Ballack was nowhere to be seen. Not even Kenny Sia/Kenny Sia's look alike. What greeted us when we entered the outlet was this:

Now this begs the question. WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE WANKERS?

I overheard someone speaking on the microphone about asking the Adidas ambassadors to take a group photo. I can only assume that the people in the photograph above are the Adidas ambassadors. Or what I would prefer to call as cock-suckers. I can only imagine the amount of cocks they had to polish with their mouths to become an Adidas ambassador. There they were holding their Ballack autographed cards and smiling and having fun while the commoner (me and the rest who stood for an hour or perhaps more outside) were left with nothing but sulking faces. I swear that the Indian guy standing next to me muttered to his friends "Fuck these people, they're not important weh".

I stood there for a while, trying to figure out if the people above were local celebrities. Then I realised I was better off having my nuts sawed off because nobody gives a fuck about the local celebrities. Sorry loh. I know I'm not atas enough to get an autograph. I am not a celebrity what.

So I left the place with no autograph, 3 pictures of the ambassadors which I will be printing out and personally pissing on together with the thought of murdering each and everyone of them, and the thought of supporting another club just because Adidas thinks that the normal fan on the street is not deserving enough for an autograph.

And seriously, Adidas, this is a plea to you, please, if you're ever going to hold another autograph session JUST for cock-suckers and not the common fan, please let that be known to the public. We have better things to do as well. Overall, it was a wasted day. Fuck Adidas and their ambassadors man.

***This post consists of more cussing than usual. Because once again the un-atas people telah ditindas by the blatant stupidity of which they call popularism***

Oh well...

Well, as of today, I am no more John the slacker.

I will henceforth be known as John the Sales Engineer.

Faster congratulate me woiiiiii...hahahahahaha

Retarded words

I think I speak for all of us when I say that some people nowadays are either too rich and free or are mentally challenged from birth.

Do you guys know about those TV programmes where they will play music videos and have a chat box at the right side of the screen so that people can SMS to the TV station and their SMSes will then be shown on TV? Something that looks like this:

I will never know what intrigues people these days to actually do such a thing. I mean it costs 50 cents per SMS. And you don't even get to say "Your mom's a fugging whore" because they will block it out. You don't even get a promotion of 2 free SMSes for every 10 that you send. You don't even get to take part in a lucky draw.

What you get though, when you tune in to such programmes, is a barrage of nonsense that would suddenly jolt you to realise that some of us are REALLY just one species or two away from the chimpanzees after all.

I especially cannot stand the "Ada awek tak?" SMSes. You can already imagine some fat, bald, middle aged man, relaxing in his deck chair while sending out "Ada awek tak?" SMSes to these programmes in hope that some lonely girl with 50 cents of credit to spare would actually reply to him, not realising that that very same girl is actually another fat, bald, middle aged man, relaxing in his deck chair as well....with his shorts off.

Perhaps some would say that it is exciting to SMS with some unknown people through this programme. Like how some people would describe meeting random people whom they have never seen before from the internet as fun. No, it's not. It just isn't.

Meeting someone whom you have not seen before is as fun as sticking your middle finger into the bottom of a sleeping tiger. It is almost always disastrous. And that's because SeXy_BaBy19 is actually a baby elephant in human clothes.

And I'm not finished. When I took the photo above, I actually spent 15 minutes to decipher what these morons were talking about. Personally, I would have rather preferred to blow-torch my nipples off. But I really wanted to know what the people of today were mostly on about. After a full 15 minutes, I realised that it was futile. This is not a language. This is crap. Einstein would have committed suicide if he had seen this.


So the moral to the story is, if you ever feel lonely and think that Sudoku is not much of a challenge, go ahead and try to decipher the replies you would get from sending "I'm 19/f" to these programmes.