It's a fucked up world

yoThe following paragraph is dedicated to all my buddies who claimed that I am a weirdo just because I don't eat cucumbers and brinjals.

Hubby had sex using cucumbers and brinjals
(http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/5/14/nation/3904162&sec=nation)

People doubted me when I mentioned that there were plenty of uses for a cucumber/brinjal and one of them includes shoving it up into a place where the sun don't shine on. I hope you guys enjoy your chicken rice with pussy flavoured cucumbers. HAR HAR HAR!!!


Which brings me on to my next topic. People are just plain weird. But wait! Let us not forget that the weirdest people in this planet are the ones from the modern/high-tech/rich countries. In fact, how powerful a country is, is directly proportional to how strange their people are.

Take for example, Japan. Economically, they're the second best country in the world after the US. They constantly come up with new technologies and look at Toyota. They're the number one automotive brand in the world now if I'm not mistaken. The Japanese are so technologically advanced that they even have toilet bowls that plays soft music to soothe your mind so that you can shit easier.

But take at a look at the Japanese. They're the weirdest bunch of people I've ever seen. They can't stop producing porn. They've even produced porn where the men shit on the women or vice versa. They stuff eels up the assholes of their women. The women sell their used underwear. They love cartoon porn. They love dressing up as cartoon porn characters. They can't lay their hands off whales. They eat raw fish. They bathe in the nude together. They probably wash each other's dicks. They invented hentai games. They fantasize consistently about their school girls. And they invented the sex doll.

I mean, how desperate must the guy who invented these dolls be? Then, you take a walk around Japan and you notice that the girls are not as what was portrayed in Jap porn. Matter of fact their girls look like :-








I can only say "Thank you God". Thank you for not putting me in such a country.

Other powerful countries with weird people will include the Koreans, who cannot forego their steaks made from dogs. The Americans who can't stop munching on burgers and fries. Let us not forget China, apparently the fastest growing country, economically. And let us not forget that this is a nation of people who believes that eating the penis of a tiger will give you good sexy time. A nation where they don't bother having doors for their public toilets. And they eat monkey brains. They eat turtles. They eat lizards. And they have imitation product for every single thing in the world. Want a cheap car that looks like a Nissan. Go China!

It's a fucked up world alrite. Comments, please and thank you!

Valentine's Day

I don't really like to talk about my day to day personal stuff so if you're wondering why am I starting a post about Valentine's day.......


SHE MADE ME DO IT (points finger at PW)

Hahahahhahaha

But honestly, we nearly didn't celebrate Valentine's this year because I was in Johor during that week and she was working in KL. However I decided to give her a surprise and the only day I could do it was on the 13th....which means I have to get home before 4pm....where I can put my plan to action. You guys have no idea how much thinking I had to go through before I decided to drive back to KL on the 13th. One side of me really wants to celebrate the special day with her while a small side of me wants to save the money and relax in Johor.

Obviously, commercialism won. I had to go back. Because apparently people in this world only choose the 14th of Feb to show their love. It's like saying I don't really love you for 364 days, but I'll love you that extra bit just for one day.

So I got back, bought some cupcakes, bought some flowers. Left the cupcake in her room with a message, apologising for not being able to make it back during the weekend and that there's a bigger present in my room ---> me and the god-expensive flowers.

Still thinking that I was in Johor, she casually walked into my room and surprise surprise. She kept smiling and jumping up and down. Like a little girl. Can't forget that image. And all this happened on the 13th.

On the 14th, we had a Japanese dinner. Oh, by the way, if you happen to be at the new Tropicana Mall and you happen to see a nice looking Japanese restaurant, stay clear. You have been warned. Went back to Johor on the 15th.

Was it worth it? To see her so happy like that, of course!

---No pics for now. Upload later.---

I am sure most of you would agree with me when I say that Christmas and New Year countdowns are just a sorry excuse for teens to cause havoc. These are the same teens who are having their school holidays around this time of the year. These are also the same teens who are not old enough for the clubbing scene and thus, have no proper place to party. And these are the same teens who will be hanged in public if ever I was to become Prime Minister.

You see. I have always thought of Christmas as a peaceful celebration. Christmas songs. They're slow and peaceful. Unlike the Chinese, where every song goes "Bang Bang Bang" followed up by the ruckus of Chinese firecrackers. Which is actually just noise....not songs. If there are any Indians reading this, your songs are just as bad. I know I am generalising by saying Chinese and Indian songs are noisy and bad. So if you're a Chinese or an Indian, and you're not happy with what you just read...repot polis la mahai.

So this begs the question. When has Christmas become a celebration for teens to start jumping on and kicking people's cars? I really do not get it. The police are actually afraid of these teens. According to the papers, empty fake-snow cans were thrown at them while they were directing traffic. And yet all they could do was arrest 2 of the damned kids.

You see, if I were a policeman, and somehow I find myself being bombarded by teens with empty cans while directing traffic, I would gladly SHOOT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THOSE DAMNED MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE FACE. All 6 magnum bullets. And my 30-round MP5 sub-machine gun equipped with 5 extra magazines. That's right. In the face. IN THE FUCKING FACE.

You don't fucking mess with a cop when he's on duty man. If I become Prime Minister, it would be mandatory for police to shoot teens who are causing trouble in the face. No, the police will not be allowed to shoot at rapists, drug dealers, robbers, etc unless it is for self defense. But they are encouraged to shoot at teens who cause trouble. In fact I'll give them a bonus (more money for their kopi sessions) for every teen they shoot. And they will be properly trained so that if they were to ever have to shoot a teen, it would have to be in the face. IN THE FUCKING FACE MAN.

Frankly speaking, something has to be done to prevent the same thing from happening next year. The government could ban such countdowns, but that would make a lot of people unhappy. But who cares about the people? They always think that they're right. These are the same people who voted Pakatan and look what's happening now.

So if I were Prime Minister I'd still allow countdowns to go on. It would be the most disciplined countdown ever. No fake-snow. No teens. Identity cards will be checked. No one below 23 allowed. If anyone were to be caught with even 1 can of fake snow in their hands, so help me god, they'll be sniped in the head by the snipers positioned at strategic locations. Plainclothed assasins will be positioned in the crowd. So that if even 1 person so much as say that I suck as Prime Minister because of the tight security control, they'll have their throats slit by the assasins. A SWAT team will be ready, for crowd control. And if things get out of hand and people think they have the right to show their displeasure, they will be happily bombed by the B-52 bombers up in the sky.

So a countdown in my country would basically involve some fireworks. And after the fireworks, everyone is to go back home and do something productive. Like telling their kids not to jump on people's cars during countdowns.

A Real Review on Italiannies

Some months ago, we (PW and I) decided to try out that Italian restaurant which everyone can't stop raving about:- Italiannies. I mean I've read blogs and heard from friends about the quality of the food. So you would thought that I would leave the restaurant with a beaming smile of satisfaction after dining in one of the best Italian restaurants in KL, right?



Well, you were wrong. There is only one proper word to describe the food at Italiannies and that word is "mediocre". I don't have the pictures of the food we ate that night but I can still remember it clearly like it was just yesterday. You see, there are some things in life which one can not forget easily. And some of these things include being served a sorry excuse for a dinner in a restaurant with a noisy and lousy environment...and having to pay so much for it. The experience is akin to having my balls hacked off with a chainsaw.



So, PW had the Aglio Olio or something like that. The one where the pasta is tossed in olive oil and served with prawns. To be honest, I never liked this dish. Regardless whether it's Italiannies or Pizza Hut or Ah Keong the Hawker, all Aglio Olios taste the same. I wouldn't mind sharing but I would rather have a bucket of horse manure than to have to finish a plate of noodles in oil all by myself.



I on the other hand, had the Fettucinni Carbonara. Now, Italiannies can boast all they want about using fresh and genuine ingredients and so on but I swear to god that the first thing that came to my mind when I tasted it was................"Oh Good God, this tastes like Prego's".

I don't have the picture of Prego's Carbonara sauce. I can't be bothered to actually go to the supermarket and take a picture. Or search for it on the web.

And just to let you know, a small can of Prego's sauce, which can easily serve up to 2-3 people, costs less than RM4. A packet of spaghetti costs RM4. A packet of minced beef costs RM8. Tomatoes are so cheap that they'll be negligible here. Add that up and it's only RM16 for a meal for 3 people. That's about RM5 per head.

So at that moment I was asking myself. Lord, where did I go wrong in my life that I have ended up in a noisy restaurant paying RM25 or so for a plate of pasta that tastes EXACTLY the same as something that would have cost me RM5. So really, their Fettucinni Carbonara. Nothing special. Nothing unique. Any Tom, Dick and Harry could have made one of these....with Prego's of course.

Now you would notice that I can not stop complaining about the restaurant being noisy and all. Well, from my 6 months living in this new area (Petaling Jaya), I have come up with the conclusion that all PJ people are obnoxious and noisy people. I know I am generalising a very big population. So, if you're from PJ and you're not happy with what you just read......repot polis la mahai. I swear I have not once entered a restaurant in PJ where everyone would just silently enjoy their meals. Italiannies is no exception because that day, the people at the table next to us were celebrating someone's birthday and there were lots of laughter and songs. Something along the lines of TGIF's concept. Which is of course is exceptionally stupid and had fucked up the whole dining experience.

So in conclusion, to me, Italiannies will continue to be a place where people will rave and praise non-stop. But you know you will never dine there for a second time. I know I wouldn't. I have already begun to ignore people who still insists that Italiannies is a good place to dine because I believe they have the tasting ability of a camel. So really, Italiannies is just like TGIF in every way. Bad food. Bad environment. No more second time. For as long as I continue to walk the Earth.

Teachers

I came across this while alone in the office today. Explains what teachers really are. And to be frank, I've had this thought for years because god damn I hate my teachers. Well, some of them.

More than likely, the individual you call your 'teacher' is simply a pathetic representative for whatever field they truly wanted to get into in the first place. For example, picture that you were an expert at mathematics. Would you be a teacher? Of course not. You'd be a mathematician, or, more likely, a highly-paid engineer. Those who major in mathematics and fail to make the cut because they lack the ability to do anything productive find they have no place to go but teaching. This is true across the board: your physics teacher failed to make it as a legitimate scientist, your literature teacher's poetry was too shitty to be published, and your social studies teacher couldn't find any place that was willing to pay for a columnist who was as much of a dumbass as he was. As a result, they all file in en masse to take out their personal failures on you. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as "the gift of a good education"

Accident on the LDP

No, it wasn't me. It was some guy in a grey Wira who managed to crash and land on top of one of the dividers along the LDP. This caused a slight jam as everybody was slowing down to look...as if they actually cared.

To the driver of that Wira, you Sir, are an asshole.

I would have loved to take a picture of that scene. But I really don't have to because everybody knows that everyday, somebody gets into an accident on the LDP.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET INTO AN ACCIDENT ON STRAIGHT AND WIDE ROADS??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

sienz

I finally now understand why they say that the traffic jams in KL is the worst in the country. No it is not because of the number of cars on the roads. Nor is it the fault of certain drivers who love to weave in and out of traffic because let's face it...there is no use faulting this kind of people as their destiny have already been determined the moment that they decided to cut into your lane just because you were a bit too slow to move. They are all going to hell.

So anyways, in my most humblest opinion, if we were to fault someone or something for the massive jams, let us all get together and point our fingers at, drum roll please, the highway and road designers.

For now, I will be focusing on the LDP. It is the highway, well, when I meant highway I actually want to mean death road, that I use to go to and from work everyday. It is a sometimes 2, sometimes 3 and sometimes 4 laned highway. Which is great! Going to work (from Kota Damansara to Subang Jaya) is a breeze. I can easily do 90kp/h on average on the LDP. And then, there's the after work traffic.

For some unexplainable reason, the LDP lanes going towards Kota Damansara managed to get itself stuck in some space vacuum where everything moves 9 times slower. This only applies when either somebody got into an accident or somebody's car broke down on the LDP, both of which happens everyday because there are still people stupid enough to get into an accident on straight highway roads (what the fuck is up with that?) and there are some people who think that the temperature gauge on their car is meaningless. They should have renamed it the Cock gauge. You would know that you are a gigantic cock who's going to cause a massive jam when your meter starts to hit the red region....followed by steam from the bonnet.

Right, highway designs. In short, LDP, 4 lanes when there are people turning onto the LDP from other places. 2 lanes when there is a turn to an exit, 2 lanes to go straight on. So if you and me and everybody else in the world just want to go straight on, we will all have to squeeze into the 2 lanes. Which is some fucked up bullshit man!

Then there's that odd forked road near SS2 or whichever. It's right after the underpass. Once again, 4 lanes. But Holy Jesus, LDP decides to fuck you if you're on the right lane going towards Kota Damansara. The 2 lanes on the right are actually heading for an exit towards KL, while if you want to head to Kota Damansara, you have to move to the 2 lanes on the left. Worse of all, the signboard showing this change is located at.........the fork itself. Which also means that if you're on the right lane heading towards Kota Damansara, and you find that you can finally read the signboard at the forked road, chances are you're on your way to KL. Too bad! LDP has fucked you in your ass.

Reason for this rant about the LDP was because of the big jam on Friday. I was stuck on the LDP......for 2 and a half hours. And to back up my statement about time moving 9 times slower, I was averaging only 10kp/h. Why? Because one car broke down on one of the 2 lane straights while another broke down on 1 of the left lanes at the forked road. We can blame these 2 cars but then we all know that in the first place, 2 lanes can never handle the heavy traffic.

So please, LDP, and other highway designer people, please build a wider road for us...especially when you know that half the population of Selangor is going to use it. And don't get me started on the Federal Highway. I don't use it much but I sure can see the jams there.